Friday, July 17, 2015
The Untold Story of Cherry Ames' Nightmares
Weighted speculums used in gyne surgeries could send shivers down anyone's spine. Using such brute force on such sensitive and delicate anatomy is like using a brick to break into your house when you can't find your keys. Don't drop one of these substantial instruments on your foot or you will have a fractured metatarsal to go along with that nightmare. To complete the unsavory image just imagine the waterfall like cascade of blood and drainage down the center of this thing during a procedure. (That's the purpose of the vertical channel running from the blade through ball shaped weight.) Cherry better not forget to carefully position a kick bucket under this thing or she will have a real mess on her hands when the case is finished. I am certain this instrument was invented by a man.
Males don't escape the reproductive organ nightmares. The meatotomy done prior to a TUR always gave me goosebumps. That cold steel slicing right through the tip of a penis is real nightmare material. If the anesthesia is light, the circulating nurse better be available if the patient moves around.
Chest tube insertions on a conscious patient always brought to mind some sort of Samurai Swordsman ritual. That huge trocar with that golf ball sized handle to thrust the thing into someone's chest probably gave Cherry the creeps too. I don't recall if there was a Cherry Ames, Thoracic Nurse novel. I bet she conveniently deleted the chest tube insertion procedure from her book, but things like this can come back to haunt you in the middle of the night. Yikes!
Cleaning up an OR late at night (more likely very early in the morning) after a failed trauma surgery. No housekeeping (environmental services for you whippersnapperrn's) on duty so Cherry and her fellow scrub nurse must shoulder the unpleasant details. Cherry cheerfully draws straws with her nurse colleague using discarded suture material to determine who gets to clean the equipment and who gets to do post mortem care on the body. Don't forget to mop up that bloody, bone chip slurry from the floor. Now it's off to dreamland. Try and not scream to loud when that nightmare wakes you up.
Finally, Cherry probably had some unpleasant dreams about administering Lactulose enemas to patients in hepatic failure. It was no problem positioning the patient on their side, that ascetic abdomen acted as ballast pulling them over. The sweet sickening smell of that Lactulose combined with foul stool is not something to be forgotten. A type of hospital version of sweet and sour sauce. Bonus nightmare potential if there is an accompanying GI bleed. I wonder if Cherry experienced olfactory sensations in her bad dreams?
During the first week of nursing school an informal poll revealed that all 76 of us had read Cherry Ames books at one time or another. A real marketing accomplishment for the publisher. We soon realized that real nursing was pretty much the opposite of Cherry's experiences. In pediatrics we always chided one another "I bet Cherry never made a little kid like that cry and scream after an injection." The remarks persisted into other rotations.
I always suspected there was a hidden side to Cherry. After all, in Jungle Nurse she got involved with an international smuggling ring. Her constant travelling and job hopping made it appear as though she was running from something. Why was there no RN after her name? Had a state board revoked her license? Did she even pass boards? Lots of unanswered questions, but I suspect she really did have some nasty nightmares.