"Twas the Night Before Surgery"

'Twas the night before surgery when all through the OR
Not a Bovie was smoking, not even a bipolar
The drapes were assembled on the back table with care
In  hopes that Dr. Slambow would soon be there

The patient was all narcotized and snug in his bed
While floor nurses insured that nothing was fed
And his roommate in a cast and him on a snooze
They just settled down like a drunk on cheap booze

When out on the expressway arouse such a crash
Bodies thrown from vehicles became  victims of a bash
Away, away, to the hospital they were hustled in a flash
Patients off to St. Profit's to be stripped of their cash

 Half their blood volume lie on the new fallen snow
Not a great thing for hemodynamic flow
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a  young paramedic with an 18 gauge  spear

With a little old tourniquet so lively and quick
I new in a moment he  would feel a big 'ol stick
More rapid than a sump pump in a flood
They pushed in more of that red stuff called blood

Now volume expanders! now lactated ringers!
Pump that fluid in 'til we see color in his fingers
Raise that bag to the top of the pole
Pump away..Pump away.. til his vitals roll

And then in a twinkling straight up to the OR
The elevator cliked and clanked from floor to floor
Wheel him right up next to the table
Call in the nurses and transfer if able

He was covered in blood from his feet to his face
Better lay out a morgue pack just in case
A sucking chest wound was making such a sound
If we don't tube him really quick he'll be moribund

Tell that elective patient all narcotized in bed
His gall bladder has to wait, we have a trauma instead
The scrub nurse and surgeon are fatigued and half dead
Better wait on that cholecystectomy till the nurse gets a bed