Tuesday, April 5, 2016

New Fangled Names for Old School Stuff

I wanted to come up with a fancy title for this post to impress people and started using words like "lexicon" and others I cannot even recall. Dr. Slambow my hero surgeon did not like complex medical terminology and had some interesting names for things that seemed off the wall at first but really did make sense after getting accustomed to his unique ways.

Instead of instructing a surgical resident to tie the distal 2/3 rds of the inferior  super duper vessel  off with an 18 inch  000 synthetic polyglomerualr tie, he would simply utter "meatball it." We all knew what he meant. Another term Dr. Slambow used all the time was a "good trauma." As a novice nurse this one really confused me; what could be good about a traumatic injury?  He would say things like to me things like "Get up here as fast as you can Fool, I've got a good trauma here." The translation was that he was dealing with a serious trauma that could be saved. We knew what he meant even though it sounded almost inappropriate..

I come across some new (to an old foolrn) terms that are really good, but I've never heard used in my many years of working as a nurse. I always think to myself "I wish that I could have thought of that one when I was a young fool."  Here are some of the best. Congratulations are in order to the whippersnappers that   came up with them.                           

Hemodynamically Unstable  A very descriptive term that is very useful in Triaging.
We never used either of these descriptive gems. Some old school military nurses probably used triage but we always said get the shock blocks under the head of the bed or watch that BP instead of that hemodynamic descriptive gem. Good job whippersnappers. It has a nice professional ring to it without sounding too snooty.

When instrument trafficking in the operating room always pass the needle driver loaded in the correct direction so it is ready to go.  I just love that descriptive instrument trafficking term. We just said when passing a needle holder make sure it's in the right direction. Needle driver  actually describes what the instrument does. Much cooler than an old surgeon mumbling "needle holder." That old school instrument passing term sounds bathroomish in comparison to instument trafficking..

Venous Access - Sounds much more elegant than "start an IV."

Metabolic syndrome - This descriptive term for a cluster of symptoms found in pre-diabetics and those prone to cardiovascular disasters has a nice ring to it. Descriptive, but again not too snooty, Dr. Slambow would have loved it.

Lap Chole - When I first heard this one, I thought it was doublespeak, of course you have to perform a laparotomy to remove a gall bladder. Then I realized that it was all about a minimally invasive technique to remove a gall bladder with a laparoscope. We did not have those back in the good old days(?) of open surgeries. Then I began to wonder, "What does a scrub nurse do while the surgeon is working with that new fangled scope thingee?" Back in the day scrub nurses were as busy as cats covering s----, loading sponge ring forceps, lobbing sponges into the kick basin, cleaning instruments, picking up instruments, there was always something to do.

State of the Art- I see this buzz-phrase all the time in medical advertising (I think medical ads are a waste of resources and should be banned.) Anyhow I thought medicine was to be science based today, so maybe this is not such a great phrase. I recall, not long ago, bone marrow transplants were thought to be curative for breast cancer and state of the art. Unfortunately the science did not support the procedure.

PBA - (pseudo bulbar affect) a drug company term for labile emotions such as cycling between laughing and crying. We used to simply call this emotional incontinence and it was usually self limiting and did not require expensive pharmacologic intervention. Most patients I cared for with this "problem" were not bothered by it.

I am certain there are many more new, clever terms, but I have had in mind a post about nursing school housemothers. Sometimes it takes me some time to organize my thoughts. It sounds paradoxical, but when I proof read my posts, they deteriorate. It must have something to do with my foolish cognitive deficits of which I'm sure are many. IF some of my posts end too abruptly, it's because I hit that Publish button inadvertently.

I noticed that a good number of people were reading my profile page and thought I could refer some of them to my foolish blog efforts by joining Google+  I am clueless what it means to be a follower, but I do appreciate that 20+ took the trouble to do this. If I don't respond back or do what I am supposed to do with followers, it's because I really don't know what I'm doing.  I really do appreciate those who indulge me in this foolishness.


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